5 Secrets I Know About The Man I Married

The added bonus of understanding about the world of little boys that had a powerful positive impact on understanding big boys, too.

By: Kathryne Savage Imabayashi

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When I began this quest to gain as much knowledge and wisdom as possible about boys so that I could raise my son as best as I could, I really didn’t know what the fallout was going to be, the extra bonus. I had no concept of how, by understanding the other half of humanity better, I might have a richer, deeper, more respectful relationship with my husband.

With the birth of a male child I acknowledged that there were definitely things I didn’t know about how to raise a boy. I am female, raised in a family predominantly female. I grew up in the time of the Women’s Lib Movement and I really did know a lot about women, and the new role women were rising into. My confidence of being a strong, independent woman had me thinking that men were basically the same as we were. I sure was wrong about that.

There were repetitive patterns that predominated my relationships with men. I always wanted to have long, in depth conversations if there were any bumps in our relationship – and they needed to be dealt with immediately. I tended to question if what He said was really what he meant – as I knew very well that I have said one thing and really meant another. Some of these issues may simply be my own personal relationship challenges but if I knew then what I know now, things might have been very different. 

Here are some of the major points that have deeply affected the relationship I have with my husband (and to some extent with most males who are close to me).

  • Thinking Time. I now know that as a male, my significant other  needs more time to think and process a problem/issue. If I want to have a serious discussion about something, our conversation has a greater chance of being meaningful if I give my husband a head’s up in advance. It helps, immensely, to understand that our brains work differently. Neither is better, just different.
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  • Timed Silence is a real thing – at any age. If something has occurred in my hubby’s world, and he feels embarrassed or angry, I understand that he cannot talk about it immediately. His response time is assuredly faster than a young boy but he still needs some time to lick his wounds and be ready to talk about it. 
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  • Single Focus. It has taken me far too long to accept that there is absolutely no possible way for my husband to multitask like I do. I can have five things on the go at once and be able to address them all. My husband has excellent single focus, can create masterpieces that amaze me, and loses himself totally in a project. But it is one thing at a time. It used to drive me crazy! I thought he should be able to do things like me. Life got much calmer when I accepted and respected that we are different in this way.
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  • Warrior Mentality. The historical role of the male is that he solves problems and protects. Seems to be in the DNA. If I ask my husband to help me with something he is there 100%. Anything I ask in these areas he is happy to actually know what I want! I just have to do the asking rather than thinking it is his job to read my mind and guess what I need.
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  • Hearing Differences. Learning that males and females have differences in hearing has allowed me to be more understanding and accommodating. Before I understood this, I had marched my son, my husband and myself off to have our hearing checked.
We only fly when both wings are strong and healthy.

we must remember

The human race is a two-winged bird:

one wing is female,

the other is male.

Unless both wings are equally developed

The human race will not be able to fly

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